Dear Mathias (on my first Mother’s Day)

Dear Mathias,

Today is your 10-month birthday, which coincidentally falls on Mothers’ Day. Since you were born, I have wished to write you little letters to capture my favorite moments and memories from your new life. One month goes by, and then another and it’s all I can do to write down milestones in your calendar. So I promise to write you a letter on Mothers’ Day each year. After all, it wasn’t until you arrived in life that I could lay any claim to this day.

These last ten months have flown by so quickly. Everyone warned me of it, but like most things in life, we don’t truly understand until we experience first-hand. You have grown from my tiny, floppy baby into this ball of personality, smiles and shrieks who looks more like a little boy every day. I remember the first time I held you (sleeping) in my arms and saw a little boy where my baby lay. It scared me so. The last time we flew to Oregon (April, for Easter), I was struck by just how small the counter space was in the airplane bathroom, where I changed your diapers on your very first flights. But even as you grow, you still manage to fit in my arms and on my shoulder, and fill up my hugs. (Speaking of hugs, you give really good ones first thing in the morning.)

Before I became your Mom, I didn’t know how I would adjust to the demands of a life that wasn’t my own. But you know what? Instincts took over, along with some coaching from your Nonna and Nonie, friends and Google. Truth be told, I still don’t know how to do this Mom thing some days. But what is different now is the knowledge that there isn’t much you and I can’t handle together, or that some dancing and deep squats won’t fix. (And when all else fails, you really like milk.)

When I say prayers with you at night, I thank God for the blessing of you in our lives. And when we pray for all the babies and mommies, I squeeze you tight. I never knew how one little person could make life so rich. I marvel at your penchant of “making friends” wherever we go. Dad and I make silly noises to make you smile and laugh. Your curiosity about the world is contagious. There is only one food (eggs) that you won’t eat. And you’ve been a great travel buddy (25 flights down!) as I’ve zipped you across the USA and back again.

Mathias, I am so blessed to be your Mommy. Each day is a new and wondrous experience. While I may not take a daily picture or document your milestones each month, I hope you understand it is because I am choosing to live in (and enjoy) the moment with you. In just two months we will celebrate your first birthday and I will surely have to stop calling you a baby. But Matty, you should know that you will always be my sweet boy, my little love and my baby. I love you! Thank you for allowing me to be your Mom.

Xoxo